Separation is unquestionably troublesome for all family members. Meanwhile, due to certain life events, two souls resolve to separate and go through the life events independently, the shock and agony of deprivation do not leave both until heart injuries recede and improve.
In such a circumstance, what is left for the kids to do?
After all, for them, the entire world is disintegrating, and it is challenging assuming why mom and dad now live separately. It is not perpetually obvious to tell a kid about such a choice; it’s not still conceivable to realize what a tiny family member is going through. Parents make common misconceptions in demonstrating to kids the grounds for divorce and thereby exacerbate the emotional state in the family. In the following article, you will know about how to treat your kid to survive the separation of parents carefully and what psychoanalysts think on this point.
Do you live mutually for a child?
Parental separation is a rather stressful situation for each kid. Accordingly, if such a calamity befell your family, it is necessary for both parents to make the child’s adventure less severe. The failure in bonds usually is not intended, although this issue cannot be called unexpected. Just due to some conditions, a man and a woman make a decision: to remain living together for the sake of a kid or to separate and fetch their lives independently of each other.
The choice is always critical, mainly if there are kids in the family. Some characters think that one should not hurt the psyche of their kids and remain to live together while remaining strangers to each other. Though, it is naive to believe that kids do not see and do not assume the actual state of matters in a family where mom and dad coincide on standard square meters.
Everyday life “for the sake of the child” bears a few meshes, which parents can not even imagine. First of all, the kids feel false items. By deceiving a kid, progenitors teach their kid how to sprawl.
Furthermore, kids copy not only the way of grown-ups but also life circumstances. In a family where the dad respects the mom, the kids will even attempt to repeat such bonds in the future in their family. Boys will study to relish a girl or a woman from an early age. What is a model to follow, what example of family connections will progenitors serve their kids if they live together just for the sake of kids, not feeling for each other anything but misery, resentment or disdain?
Thirdly, kids are dubious about acknowledging such a deduction when they grow up. And parents may stay at the split trough, and not having adapted their lives.
How to notify a kid about the divorce process of yours?
At what age can you explain the child about this choice? There is no proper age in such a state. Just at each of the steps of growing up, kids are uniquely able to observe such knowledge and respond to it. If the kid is still too little, and he/she is not already three years old, then it is worthless to talk about this topic with him. It is best to wait until the kid himself starts asking inquiries about the second parent. The best age is supposed to be about three years old.
A child of preschool age should only know that they cannot live with their dad anymore. Though, it is necessary to note that despite this, he will also often see him as earlier. For instance, when going to the granny, during the conflicts of the child with the father, when he will come to encourage the kid, etc.
A teenage kid can already know more data. It is imperative not to analyze the other parent in the presence of the child, not to talk about their different feelings towards the previous spouse. An older child can guess what is happening before the conference, so it’s better not to delay time. Contrarily, it can lead to a loss of faith in the kid.
Relevant! At whatever age, the explanation with the kids falls, in no case should one throw out all the melancholy, gained experiences due to divorcement. Do not set up children against the second parent; the fact that you did not develop a life together should not affect the relationship connecting the second mate and your child.
What are the experiences of kids during a divorcement?
Depending on the degree of maturity (i.e., their age), each child sees and especially recognizes the separation of parents. Tiny children under six months notice the new, changed circumstances. They can ignore a parent who is away, literally within several days, provided that they are well cared for and enough consideration is given to other relatives. Kids from six months to one and a half years old begin to feel changes in the mood of their progenitors.
They may already feel changes in the family, explore the prolonged absence of one of the parents, and they can feel uneasy and bothered. In a child who is already one and a half years old, a divorce can provoke concerns and fears, and sometimes hurt his mental growth, and even on relationships with peers in the future.
How to help a kid survive a separation: the advice of doctors Excellent and refined relations of both parents can ease the experience of a kid. It is clear that they are not useful in the current situation, but the child must realize that he is not forced to choose who is more applicable to him: mom or dad. He should feel that the parents’ approach towards him did not change due to the divorcement.
Clinicians suggest some techniques that will help the child survive the parents’ separation less painlessly.
First of all, you need to try to help the child in getting rid of offense. It is essential to explain that dad broke up with mom, cannot with a child. It is vital to carry the fact that the father, as before, will love and visit his baby, that not everything that happens to grown-ups will affect the child in any way. It is crucial to allow the child to undergo all the feelings and emotions that he feels.
Do not talk negatively about any parent. It is necessary not to force your mind about what occurred. It is vital to try to keep positive contact with your former mate. The friendly relations of parents will help the child to remain the changes in the family that are less sharp.
It is not needed to bribe the former mate with a kid. In the soul of a kid these events will be captured for a long time, and perhaps even for life. Seldom it is helpful to spend time together with the whole family. If the former mates headed to maintain a relationship, it would help spend time with the child in the circle of both progenitors. For instance, you can attend a cinema, park, circus, etc. together. All of this will help the child in future life. It will help him in solving future battle conditions.
View the significant errors of parents during a breakup
Arguments and conflicts in the behavior of a child. Such performance of adults confuses a child. It is nonsensical for him to take the side of one of the parents, and it is not worth doing this.
The desire of former mates to interact through the child. “Tell your dad that he is ….”, “Tell your mom that….”. This role model distinguishes adults from the best side. No matter how much your spouse hurts you, you shouldn’t drag kids into your “wars.”
Guidance of the child when trying to return the connection with the former mate. If the collapse of relations is determined, you should not “threaten” your spouse by not being able to interact with the child. It is particularly intimidating to arrange this in the behavior of the child.
They are disregarding the feelings and actions of the child. If the kid is disconcerted, anxious, talk heart-to-heart with him, describe your reactions, explain the whole conditions to him/her.
The more time you spend with your child despite the separation proceeding-the more grateful, he/she will be in the future.