Divorce-what you should NOT do

Proud refuse of alimony is the most common female mistake, but not the only one. Let’s look at a dozen more wrong steps that turn a divorce into a financial catastrophe.

Refuse of alimony

Our society works in such a way that alimony relationships have gone beyond financial and even legal parts, and are most often considered as a moral aspect. Proudly declaring: “I don’t need anything from you,” is, of course, beautiful. But in this way you complicate the life of yourself and the child, and not only in the material sense. Following the Family Code, parents are obliged to support their minor children.

Refusing to be supported by your father violates the rights of the child. And it can be used against you if there is a dispute about the place of residence of the child and the order of communication.

Considering alimony payments when planning a budget

It is better to treat alimony from your ex-husband as an additional and unstable income, without taking it into account in regular and obligatory payments (rent, education of children, food).

Viewing of personal accounts as personal property

Everyone knows that all property acquired during the marriage period is the joint property of the spouses and is divided 50:50 (even if one of the spouses never worked). But for some reason, many women naively believe that bank accounts or salary cards are not collective property! Following paragraph 2 of Art. 34 of the Family Code.

Everything that has accumulated on your (or husband’s) salary card by the time of the divorce is also subject to division. Just keep in mind.

Not sharing a property immediately

Disputes about the division of the common property of the spouses following Art. Twenty-one of the Family Code is considered in a court of law irrespective of the dissolution of a marriage in the civil registry office.

That is, you can get a divorce in the registry office and, even living separately, continue to use the car, apartment and cottage, purchased in marriage. If you manage to solve these issues peacefully, then the property can maintain the status of a joint for an arbitrarily long time. But the one to whom the car is issued can sell it at any time without asking permission from the former spouse. It is much more reasonable to go to court immediately after the divorce to allocate shares in the common property. And remember that the statute of limitations on the division of property acquired during the marriage is only three years.

Spending all the money on a lawyer

The process of division of property can drag on for years. And all this time you will have to pay for the services of an expensive lawyer. As a result, it may be that all that you managed to sue will go to pay for his services. Therefore, start with simple and concrete things: determine what you would like to receive as a result of a divorce and contact a lawyer for advice to find out how real your requests are. Usually, if it is not about owning factories, newspapers, steamers, but rests on an apartment, then for success it is enough to pay one or two times for him for getting a piece of legal advice on specific issues.

Many happy couples share budget responsibilities. A family may assign one person to be responsible for the distribution of money, payment of utilities, amount of loans, etc. Usually, in this case, the second spouse does not go into financial matters. In a divorce, this neglect of the family budget can go sideways.

The owner of the apartment may suddenly find out that he has a debt for utilities. And all the receipts confirming the payment will be kept with his partner. Therefore, both spouses must have full access to all Internet banks, tax offices and other places where general financial information is stored. If there is no permanent access, then try to copy the data.

Separate loan payments

If you have joint loans, you need to monitor their payments. In no case do not rely on the fact that the partner will pay for everything. If he ignored amounts, the bank would charge penalties to both at once.

The best thing to do is to pay off all the total debts before the divorce.

Fighting for shared housing

Saving a shared house or apartment can be vital if you stay with children. Moving to another area may be an additional stress for them: in addition to housing, they will most likely have to change a kindergarten or school.

But this struggle must have economic meaning. It will be more expensive to keep a large apartment alone. Therefore, before you join the battle for the family nest, consider all the options. It is possible that it is much more profitable to sell it and divide the amount received between the spouses.

Revenge

If the cause of the divorce was cheating, then the injured party may be tempted to leave the traitor to no means of subsistence. For this reason, people begin to lie, hide property, or hire expensive lawyers.

During a divorce, do not try to settle accounts. Your goal is to make a good deal on the division of property.

Not changing the password

The division of property is a long and painful process. Many couples believe that as soon as the divorce documents are signed, you can breathe easy. But it is not. Do not forget to delete your former partner from all solid materials – testaments, powers of attorney, insurance, etc. Get new ownership documents. It will be essential to change all passwords to pages in social networks and Internet banking.

Three significant mistakes of women which, can complicate her life

Sex with the first comer to raise self-esteem. The desire to be desired is understandable, but thoughtless connections can undermine self-confidence. Do not rush. New relationships are excellent, but right after the divorce, they are unlikely to develop. Consider whether you are ready for it.

Endless complaints. Loved ones love you. They genuinely sympathize, but they are not able to ease your pain. Constant whining, painful memories, and charges will alienate even the most devoted friends. They will avoid you, and the abyss of loneliness will become more profound.

If you still track your ex-husband in social networks, listen to gossip, deny it to yourself. Accept that everything is over.

What should a woman do after a divorce?

The first months are the hardest. Do not demand too much of yourself. Do you want to be sad? Then you can be bitter. However, you should remember that all that happened to you is not the end, but only the beginning, the first steps towards a new life. You have more freedom now. Start experimenting! Change your hairstyle, wardrobe, find an exciting experience, chat with friends.

Useful psychological technique

If you often suffer, use a simple subconscious technology: imagine that you and your husband are teachers of each other.

If the husband initiated the divorce, imagine his image and experience all the pain he caused. Imagine yourself asking for it. Think of this invaluable experience that will make you stronger. Experience gratitude to your teacher husband for lessons in resilience.

If you are the initiator of the divorce, imagine the image of the husband and the pain he was experiencing. Imagine that he asked to cause it for a new experience. Thank the husband mentally for being a good student.

Divorce is not only pain but also freedom. Be sure to buy a gym membership. Exercise will help to cope with mental agony. Walk in the fresh air and communicate with friendly people more often.

If the pain is unbearable, and the prospects seem too vague, sign up for a consultation with a psychologist or a Hellinger arrangement.

Unfortunately, many parents forget about children during a divorce, thinking only about the problems that have arisen. As a result, many children close inside of themselves, become rude and mistrustful. But divorce has a more significant effect on the life of a child. For a child, separation is the hardest test. Therefore, it is essential not to forget about children during a divorce, regardless of their age.

The main thing with this is to try to do everything so that this process does not affect children, and these changes for the child are painless. But you should not save a family in which there is no love and mutual understanding for the sake of children, because this will further affect their psyche. A child will not be able to form generally in such an environment. When divorcing a child, it is necessary to explain everything, not to hide it from him. 

A woman should seek help from a psychologist so that this situation does not affect the health of the child. In this case, a woman should think less about divorce, and devote all the time to herself and her child.

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